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but I will always know that I really tried everything and I really loved you as much I possibly could.

I can’t be his mother if I am yours and most of all I can’t stay and watch you break his heart the way you have mine.

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I thought you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

I knew you had had rain clouds but i was convinced I had enough sunshine for both of us You just needed to be loved.

Because of God's grace and because the Twelve Steps and support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous and Celebrate Recovery work, I had my last drink of alcohol on September 10, 1995. My grandmother's drinking escalated out of control after his death. Our family epitomized the adage, "There's an And I fell right in line.

Recovery from alcoholism is absolutely possible for anyone who is willing to be honest with themselves and open-minded enough to accept a whole new way of living. And before that I was surrounded by the disease of alcoholism in my family. That's a whole other story about the devastating effects of alcoholism that I won't go into here. My grandfather on my mother's side was a white collar worker – once a talented minor league baseball player, but he ended up homeless on the streets of Chicago at the end of his life. By all appearances to the outside world, she could have been June Cleaver - the perfect, respectable wife, mother, housekeeper, and community member. On the outside, I was successful in my career in the oil and gas business, college-degreed, a wife and mother – had 2 cars in the garage, the house was clean, the bills were paid.

I left you and tried convincing you with loneliness.